Great Article on Fakebook!

My third article on technology.  Have fun with this one!

This article is hysterical!  Definitely well worth the read!!!

It's about the way we share only the good stuff on facebook and not the day to day grind.



http://www.kveller.com/blog/parenting/we-need-to-quit-telling-lies-on-facebook/

Cracking open our private screen worlds

I went through a period of time where I used to get almost jealous when my husband Steve would be deeply engaged with his screen.  I'd wonder where he was and what he was doing--what alternate reality he was visiting?    Was it better or more interesting than our relationship?  I'd gaze over his shoulder to see, full of curiosity,  and this would irritate him.

At my book club last night, it turned out that I'm not the only one.   We were talking about technology and how weird it is that one can be present but also totally immersed in a different reality.   This can be frustrating for a relationship.     (any relationship--husband/wife; parent/pre-teen).

It's almost like we exist in two planes--the physical and the technical.   I may be serving Mira breakfast while looking up the history of the real Downton Abbey on Wikpedia.    Half of me is home, the other half in England in the 1920's.  

My friend had a great idea and I wanted to share it with you!   She is attempting to get everyone in the family to verbalize their computer use.   Using her idea, I would say to Mira,  "I am feeling really curious about what it's like to live in a castle and I'm looking it up on my computer."  Steve might say to me,  "I'm checking out some new music sites I discovered".    Your pre-teen may say to you, "I'm texting with some friends from my soccer team".   

This idea also fits in very well with brain research.   In my parent coaching class we are learning that one way to handle all this technology is to ask questions while your child is watching television or soon after.  This way, you are engaging a different part of the brain and helping to keep things sharp.   This is not to say that your child should sit around watching television all day, but simply that the more we engage and are active viewers (rather than passive), the healthier it is for brain development.

According to my friend, this has brought way more pleasure to family life and I am really excited to try it out over here.

Mom, I'm bored!

One of the many things that has stood out to me as I read about brain development and the media in my class  www.thepci.com  is the idea of boredom.

What does it mean to be bored?     Do you remember being bored as a child?   What did your parents tell you in regards to boredom?   Did they tell you to just get over it?  Find something to do?    Did something amazing arise from your boredom?  

I observe that there is no place for boredom in today's modern age.  Everything, even sports, seems so much more focused than it was when I was a kid.    I notice myself letting Mira(my three year old) watch television while I'm cooking dinner because I don't want her to be bored for those twenty minutes when I am busy.  

Through class discussion on this topic, I have come to realize that boredom is a creative force.   Through boredom emerges excitement, new ideas and the chance to let your brain percolate ideas.  

I am taking little steps to allow boredom to live in our household.

I took Mira to my Zumba class the other day and set her up in a corner with some books and puzzles.  She was occupied for the first half of the class, but then I saw it--boredom set in and she got fidgety.  I felt kind-of guilty and it occurred to me that I should have brought my smart phone.  She would have been happily engaged for the full hour.      Allowing my child to be bored, seemed wrong.    Then I remembered my parent coaching classes and  that boredom is  a good thing.  I watched her out of the corner my eye.  She started counting the hearts on her tights, picked at the threads on her sweater,  and tapped her feet to the music.  On the way home, she said that she loved the class and wants to come every time.

Chalk one up for boredom!

When I think back to my own boredom, it brings up happy memories.  I remember hours in the summer doing nothing, but cooking up crazy schemes, making lemonade stands, and getting in trouble for waving at passing cars.   I do think my professor is on to something, the lost art of boredom.   Take some time to let your child be bored and see what happens.  I'd love to know the results.  

Jodee Blanco: Please Stop Laughing at Me--Part Two

Please Stop Laughing At Us
Jodee Blanco

This book is not just for adults!  I discovered my twelve year old niece Ella reading this book while we were on vacation.    Here's what she had to say about it.

The book is good, but intense.  It's scary to think that people can be so mean.    After reading it, I will try to be nicer to people that don't have friends and see them differently.    The part I remember most is when some friends showed up at her door and wanted to play softball.  She got to be first and they threw the bat and ball at her.   This is a good book and I would recommend it to others.



Jodee's website with great tips for surviving bullying:   http://jodeeblanco.com/survival.htm

Her new book--a journal for teens dealing with this issue:  http://www.amazon.com/The-Please-Stop-Laughing-Journal/dp/1440528098/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1360458159&sr=8-1&keywords=please+stop+laughing+at+me+journal

Jodee on CNN talking about One Town Over:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byEFkqHqABM

One Town Over--Part One

If you haven't heard Jodee Blanco speak, be prepared--bring tissues. Both times I've heard her there wasn't a dry eye in the audience. Unlike many girls who experience a roller-coaster friendship and need strategies to survive the anxiety that comes with ups and downs, Jodee was the target of constant and horrifying bullying and harassment. She is now a public speaker and a successful actress. Her story of surviving (and thriving) is amazing and told in a way that really reaches inside you (the acting skills come in handy). If you can afford to hire her to speak at your school, do it. She's amazing!

(as an aside, the reviews on Amazon are very mixed.   I'm not sure why.  She is a little over the top and the book isn't particularly well written, but I thought her message was great).   

One of the messages that really stood out for me in Jodee's second book Please Stop Laughing at Us. is the concept of ONE TOWN OVER.




What this means is that by having a friend or alternative community ONE TOWN OVER, we can give our kids a chance to make friends away from the pressures of school. I have heard friends say that they were unpopular in school, but had lots of friends at camp or in their youth group. I know I wouldn't have survived my 6th grade bullying incident if it weren't for Lyn, my best friend that went to a different school and treated me as if I was completely normal (not as the loser I felt I was at school at that time).

Thanks Lyn!!!

I take this One Town Over Thing very seriously. The politics of school can be very intense and having other friends outside of that circle takes the pressure off as well as allowing you to be authentic in a different way without the pressures of school interfering.

I was lucky enough to connect with a woman named Jess who was in my birthing group. I instantly adored her and we have remained good friends. We both have girls that are about to turn four. Her family lives in the city. We live on an island. When Mira gets to see Pela, it's a different thing. She's her "special" friend. I have no idea in what ways this friendship will grow or what will happen in the future, but it's my hope that Pela will be one of her ONE TOWN OVER FRIENDS.

How can you create this for your child? Classes, youth groups, befriending people you meet at the park, meet up groups. It doesn't have to be expensive, but be on the lookout for great connections outside of your community.