Thursday, September 13, 2012

Family Night at the Ellis household




I decided this Fall to start having a once a week family night.   Here are my self-imposed rules for family night:

1.  I make something fun to eat.
2.   We eat somewhere different (not at our dining room table).
3.  We do an activity together.
4.  We don't check e-mails, answer the phone, and/or do our personal things (this one I haven't totally mastered YET).  

I don't know what inspired me to try this out, perhaps it is all the researched-based e-mails I get on parenting that speak to the family meal as a really good thing. 

Or perhaps I am remembering this girl named Abby who I met when I was a teenager on an Outward Bound trip.  Her family was Jewish and celebrated Shabbat, from Friday night to sundown on Saturday.  The family stayed home playing games or hanging out having fun with each other. Friends could come over and join, but they were not allowed to go out.  I couldn't believe that poor Abby had to stay home on Friday night, it sounded awful to me.  I was surprised that she actually seemed to like what to me sounded like a terrible restriction on her social life.  

Now that I'm a mom though, I think Abby's family was onto something.    It's easy to get busy and reserving a time to do something together seems sacred.  Our family spends a lot of time together, but this is a way to mark it as something different (a ritual of sorts) and also to make sure that it happens.

We have had three family nights so far and my three year old is over the moon about them.    Here's what we've done:

Night one:  We ate Vietnamese spring rolls in our dining room and played Chutes and Ladders.
Night two: We ate udon noodle soup while watching Tangled.




Night three:  We ate hummus burgers and Moroccan carrots on our back stairs.  I covered the table in butcher paper and we brought out a whole bunch of paints, stickers, glue etc. and made a big mural.

These nights are pretty simple.  Mira goes to bed at 7:30, so dinner/activity takes about an hour and half or less. 

Now I know that some of my readers will have a sixth grader or above who may be, um, resistant to family night.  There are also sports schedules that tend to get in the way of family dinners.   Maybe you could start small--once a month.   Or maybe go for just the game, or just the dinner.  

But many of my readers have children in the younger grades (K-5th) and my hunch is that most of those kids would jump at a family night.    I don't know how it's going to work out for us, but I'm hoping that it becomes an established part of her growing up.  When Mira hits the pre-teen/teenage years,  it could become a peaceful anchor for her in this busy, chaotic world.   One can only hope!

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Friday, September 7, 2012

Cedarsong: Summer Camp for Girls




My friend Erin Kenny is a naturalist that runs a school based on Nature Immersion.  What this means is that the entire school is outside--rain or shine (which is saying something being in the Pacific Northwest).

The preschool is one of the few of this nature in the United States and has been written up in the media many times including this article from People Magazine:   http://www.people.com/people/archive/article/0,,20467566,00.html

In addition to her work with young kids, Erin has camps for adults, older children and one for pre-teen/early teenage girls.   She was telling me about her camp for girls and how she has a zero exclusion policy.    She also told me that it's very student-directed in terms of what the girls do and what they explore.   According to Erin, the girls learn just by being in nature and the compassion and empathy follow.

I decided to check this all out for myself.  My three year old daughter Mira and I were lucky enough to participate in the Wednesday night campfire.   We found the site called Camp Terra and explored the small but special trail system.  There were secret alcoves, a campfire in the shape of a heart with painted rocks and areas filled with colorful flags and dream catchers.  There is a forest stage (though Erin explained to me that it hadn't been used that session because that's not what the girls had chosen to do), a monkey tree, a fort, and many other special features that speak of a magical fairy land.  

When we arrived several of the girls were at main camp playing with a bunch of interesting instruments.  Another group was camped out in the forest talking under the trees (and many of them were wearing a lot of make-up which was kind-of charming).   Everyone was very friendly and welcoming.  

As we were walking around the camp, Erin would stop and point out something interesting in the natural world.   It was captivating.  I loved the interplay between conversations that were about culture (movies, school etc.) versus this noticing of the natural world.   With Erin's eye for finding interesting things in the forest coupled with her knowledge, it was hard not to get swept up in the excitement.

For example, I was quizzing one of the girls about the camp---did she feel like everyone was respectful?  Did she appreciate the no exclusion policy?    When suddenly, Erin discovered a millipede and told us all that it smelled like cherries and almonds when it gets scared.   My question was forgotten as the girl, Mira, Erin and I all sniffed the millipede and carefully put him back down on a leaf.   We were no longer a mom, a preschooler, a teacher and a preteen, but rather a bunch of naturalists completely immersed in the forest. 

I think that it's important for girls to have these types of experiences.  If the going gets rough with their friends or at their school, they can fall back on these moments where there is no social hierarchy (or at least not of the middle school variety), where there is a certain kind-of self knowledge and peace.   If a girl does experience relational aggression sometime in her life, it is important that she has some strength and some resources.

I am reminded of the Jewish holiday T'ba Shavat, the holiday of the trees.  Several years ago, I went to a party and we each got to tell a story about a tree that was special to us.  One man there told us that he moved to a new school and had no friends for a while. Every day at recess he went out to the corner of the playground and talked to a special tree.  It kept him sane during a very rough time. 

One last thing,   to that great group of radiant, funny, interesting, beautiful girls, thanks for letting Mira and I visit your campfire!

For more on Cedarsong:  http://www.cedarsongnatureschool.org/





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Creative Crossings. Peggy Rubens-Ellis, M.Ed. Certified Parent Coach: September 2012

Creative Crossings. Peggy Rubens-Ellis, M.Ed. Certified Parent Coach