Cracking open our private screen worlds

I went through a period of time where I used to get almost jealous when my husband Steve would be deeply engaged with his screen.  I'd wonder where he was and what he was doing--what alternate reality he was visiting?    Was it better or more interesting than our relationship?  I'd gaze over his shoulder to see, full of curiosity,  and this would irritate him.

At my book club last night, it turned out that I'm not the only one.   We were talking about technology and how weird it is that one can be present but also totally immersed in a different reality.   This can be frustrating for a relationship.     (any relationship--husband/wife; parent/pre-teen).

It's almost like we exist in two planes--the physical and the technical.   I may be serving Mira breakfast while looking up the history of the real Downton Abbey on Wikpedia.    Half of me is home, the other half in England in the 1920's.  

My friend had a great idea and I wanted to share it with you!   She is attempting to get everyone in the family to verbalize their computer use.   Using her idea, I would say to Mira,  "I am feeling really curious about what it's like to live in a castle and I'm looking it up on my computer."  Steve might say to me,  "I'm checking out some new music sites I discovered".    Your pre-teen may say to you, "I'm texting with some friends from my soccer team".   

This idea also fits in very well with brain research.   In my parent coaching class we are learning that one way to handle all this technology is to ask questions while your child is watching television or soon after.  This way, you are engaging a different part of the brain and helping to keep things sharp.   This is not to say that your child should sit around watching television all day, but simply that the more we engage and are active viewers (rather than passive), the healthier it is for brain development.

According to my friend, this has brought way more pleasure to family life and I am really excited to try it out over here.