Mira and the Birthday Party

On our way to a birthday party this weekend, my three year old was chattering about the slip and slide that she knew awaited her.  She couldn't wait to try it.  We pulled into the driveway and saw about 20 kids merrily playing in the water.  

My daughter said in a matter-of-fact way,  "Mommy, I don't want to try the slip and slide."   My inclination was to say,  "but you were so excited.  Why not?"    I had to remind myself that my daughter is not one to jump right into social situations.    For me, huge groups of people are exciting and energizing, but for my husband and child, huge groups are overwhelming. 

For the next hour, my daughter stayed by my side.  I made several failed attempts to try and get her to play with some other kids, my thought being that if I helped set it up it would pave the way.  

Finally, the party was nearing the end.  Families were starting to leave and---of course---my child started playing.   Soon we were down to three kids--Mira, Zea, and Lucy.   The atmosphere was relaxed and way quieter.  The three kids played for two more hours--splashing, giggling and having so much fun!!!  

I've been thinking about this ever since.  What does it have to do with pre-teens?   Hmmmm?  I think that it's a reminder that for many kids  social scenes can be overwhelming and scary.    I think we all still have that little kid in us when we walk into something new and different.    Even though I am an extrovert and not shy at all, I do have a split second where I wonder if there will be anyone to talk to at the party.  Will people be friendly?  Will I feel accepted?   

I think that is one reason why kids are likely to find a best friend.  It's just easier that way.  You don't have to search for someone to talk to and connect with.   

I think also as parents it's important to notice how your child enters situations.  Does he/she take a while to warm up? Does he/she need an adult to help at first?    Does he/she do better in smaller groups?

I think there's a lot to be said for one-on-one play or play with a very small group of kids.  I am trying to create that more for my daughter because I see that one-on-one play is very different from large group play.  One-on-one, she seems to make real connections.  In a group, she still parallel plays or hangs off to the side.

Interestingly,at the same time that I have been thinking about this, someone posted some articles on Facebook about introverted children.   These articles are FANTASTIC.    


http://parentingfromscratch.wordpress.com/2012/07/12/things-to-know-about-introverted-children/

http://m.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/2696/