Sonja and Rose
Sonja, my Virtual Assistant and old friend from High School, said she was exhausted. "Why," I asked. "My daughter, Rose, is having nightmares and we've had many sleepless nights," she replied. We talked for a while about it and I gave her my best School Counselor advice.
Later, upon checking in, Sonja told me that they had figured out that there was a problem at her school with some girls that were making Rose's life miserable. Rose had been experiencing problems with these girls since preschool. The teachers hadn't noticed anything, so Sonja was fairly certain that little power-plays were happening out on the playground, invisible to the rest of the world.
All of this was stressing out little Rose, leading to nightmares and sleepless nights. For the parents, how difficult it must be to watch your daughter experience pain that you may have thought is reserved for older girls.
It is true that Relational Aggression starts as young as preschool. Some studies suggest that while there may be clear rules for physical aggression — We don't hit in our family, there are looser rules for Relational Aggression — Find someone else to play with or just ignore them.
I wish I had more advice for Sonja. I know she is fighting against culture and society. I wish all the mothers would look deeply into the way that their child may be mirroring what they see in the adult world. I wish the rules around this sort of behavior were clear and strict. I wish it wasn't so invisible, making it all the more difficult to figure out the truth of what's really going on.
The advice I gave Sonja is the same advice I'd have given for older girls. Teach your child assertiveness skills, role play situations with puppets or stuffed animals, expose your child to other avenues for friendship besides school, create safe and positive places and experiences at home, get the teacher and the recess teachers on board, create some family rules about being kind and friendly, and perhaps, if all else fails, a change in class, school, or some definitive parameters around the friendship are in order.
Later, upon checking in, Sonja told me that they had figured out that there was a problem at her school with some girls that were making Rose's life miserable. Rose had been experiencing problems with these girls since preschool. The teachers hadn't noticed anything, so Sonja was fairly certain that little power-plays were happening out on the playground, invisible to the rest of the world.
All of this was stressing out little Rose, leading to nightmares and sleepless nights. For the parents, how difficult it must be to watch your daughter experience pain that you may have thought is reserved for older girls.
It is true that Relational Aggression starts as young as preschool. Some studies suggest that while there may be clear rules for physical aggression — We don't hit in our family, there are looser rules for Relational Aggression — Find someone else to play with or just ignore them.
I wish I had more advice for Sonja. I know she is fighting against culture and society. I wish all the mothers would look deeply into the way that their child may be mirroring what they see in the adult world. I wish the rules around this sort of behavior were clear and strict. I wish it wasn't so invisible, making it all the more difficult to figure out the truth of what's really going on.
The advice I gave Sonja is the same advice I'd have given for older girls. Teach your child assertiveness skills, role play situations with puppets or stuffed animals, expose your child to other avenues for friendship besides school, create safe and positive places and experiences at home, get the teacher and the recess teachers on board, create some family rules about being kind and friendly, and perhaps, if all else fails, a change in class, school, or some definitive parameters around the friendship are in order.
Labels: relational aggression
posted by Peggy300 at
9:47 AM
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