It's a GIRL!

I was convinced we were having a boy.  This was confirmed when a colleague insisted we do the ring test, an old wives' tale (but amazingly reliable, according to my colleague).  We attached my wedding ring to a piece of string, dunked it three times upon my sweaty palm, and let it swing.  If it swings back and forth, it's a boy; in a circle, it's a girl.   At first it did nothing and then started swinging with certainty back and forth, confirming my feeling that we were having a boy.


At our 16-week ultra-sound, we waited excitedly for the news — boy or girl.  They didn't see a single bit of male anatomy and told us it was almost surely a girl.  This was later confirmed by our test results.  A GIRL!   I was wrong.   The ring test was wrong.  We were elated.  As the news spread, my friends and family said, "That's so perfect for you" and "Well, of course, you are having a girl."

Later that week, my midwife was having me fill out some forms.  On one of them, it said, "Name of mother."  I thought to myself, "How strange that they should want to know the name of MY mother."  I stared at the sheet in puzzlement until I realized that they meant ME.  I was the mother.  I have already embraced my role as stepmother, but MOTHER.  Me?

Yes, I run groups and events for pre-teen girls.  I know the hearts and minds of girls who wander into my counseling office in droves with problems big and small.  I have facilitated countless number of mom/daughter pairs through a Creative Crossings experience — and bore witness to the powerful bond.  I have always wished that I too could have this experience for myself.   But now that it is upon me, I wonder how I will navigate the fragile bond between mother and daughter.

I know that nothing can prepare me for the actuality of being a mother.  How will I handle my daughter's pain if it should manifest?   How will I walk that tricky boundary between encouraging my daughter's independence and giving her limits and guidelines.  I don't think my work with girls guarantees that I will be a good parent myself.

I see parenting as always having to make decisions as you are faced with each new situation.  I see it as a journey.  I don't know how I will do, but I am excited to give this little girl my all!