The Power of Word

I was taking a class as part of a larger conference.

Pre-class, I was stocking up on snacks and tea when I ran into an old colleague of mine.  It was great to see her.  We chit-chatted for a while, until I told her I had to run so I wouldn't be late for this class.

"What class?" she said.

I told her. She and her friend both rolled their eyes in unison.

"What's wrong," I said, "is the teacher boring?"  I had been excited for the class, but now I was wondering if the teacher would have a monotone voice.

"Well, um, it's sort-of all about her. You'll see."

The other woman nodded her head vigorously in agreement.

I trudged to the class, feeling a little bit like — Oh great, now I have to listen to this egotistical teacher.  Some of my initial excitement for the class had diminished.

The teacher was a dynamo — curly brown hair, a very un-monotone voice, and easy to follow.  But she did start the session off with photos of her new baby.  That's kind-of egotistical, isn't it?  (Though I would probably do the same thing,)  She was very attractive, skinny, and seemed totally confident and knowledgeable about the topic.  That could constitute egotism — no one around our age should know so much and act so professor-ish.  And had she asked any of us about ourselves?

I stopped myself suddenly, realizing that I was searching for ways that this woman fit the critique of my peers.  Had I not had the initial conversation, would I have been thinking my professor had a problem with ego?  The answer, I am sure, is no way.  I didn't really have any personal experience with this teacher being an egoist.  In fact, I liked her teaching style and found her to be engaging.  Someday, as the class continues, I may see her shadow side and have my own experience with it.  However, in this case, I had found myself taking my friends' critique as truth, or at least searching for proof of their comments.


This incident caused me to take a hard look at the ways this type of interaction plays out in my life.  There's the "mean" neighbor, the "difficult" parent, and a myriad of other ways I have taken opinions as facts.  I'd like to think I rely only on my own opinions, but do I?  How do others' critiques seep through, clouding my own perception.

I see this play out again and again with pre-teen girls.  "WE FEEL that so and so is always saying annoying things and following us around."  I force each girl to tell me how THEY are feeling and take the "We" out of it.  Usually, I find that it is only one girl that is having the actual experience and the others are piggy-backing on it.  They start out, with my prompts, saying I feel this way, but then quickly slip back to we.  As I remind them again and again to talk only about their own experience, they often give up and say that they themselves are not really mad or upset with the girl.  Or they just mirror the complaint of the friend with the problem.  "I feel angry and upset with the way that she treats Kaisha."

The use of words can be very tricky and slippery and it is difficult to not let the words of others influence our own experience.  My class is continuing to meet via computer and I am still waiting for my professor to unleash a fountain of ego.  It still hasn't happened.