Parenting Tips From My Friends: candles, pennies, and monsters under the bed

I decided to make a monthly blog posting with tips I learned from my friends and community!  This also points to the fact that I see my blog emerging from a focus on pre-teens to a focus on parenting.   More on this later, but suffice it to say that this new focus has just slowly emerged via my education as a parent coach.   I hope there's a little something for everyone here.

THE CANDLE FOR KIDS

My four year old daughter was at a play date and I could start to see the tears coming as we were getting ready to leave.     My friend told her to get already and when she had her coat and boots on there would be a special goodbye.   The focus was changed from sadness about the impending goodbyes to anticipation of what was going to happen.    My friend turned off all the lights and brought out a candle.   The kids each shared their favorite thing about the play date and then my daughter got to blow out the candle.   It was a very sweet and ritualistic way to end a play date.

THE MONSTER UNDER THE BED

My friend's daughter woke up often in the middle of the night and hopped into bed with her parents.  After many frustrating months, my friend was ready to have her daughter sleep in her bed the entire night.   My friend decided to make it a special ritual and a big deal.    She wanted her daughter to see this as a step towards bravery and empowerment.   At first the daughter complained, saying that she was afraid of monsters.

My friend's friend had a great solution.  When they went to her house for dinner, she gave my friend's daughter lavender spray which was called Monster Spray.  It was only to be used by children at night after their parents had gone to sleep.   

I see so many positives in this fun idea!  For one, I love that my friend turned the change into a ritual (I love rituals, so I would love this).   In my opinion, it's always a good idea to mark occasions and change.   I think rituals help us cope with change.  Also, I love that my friend has a friend who is able to help her parent.  It takes a village and the more people you can have on board supporting your parenting the better. 

PENNIES IN THE DISH

One of my friends was going through a rough patch with her teenage daughter.  Communication was at a minimum.  My friend put out a dish with some pennies nearby.  The mom explained to her eye-rolling daughter that if either of them felt appreciative towards the other, they could put a coin in the bowl.   At first, just the mom put pennies into the dish, but then she heard a clink while she was cooking dinner.  Her daughter put one into the dish.  As time went on, she added more pennies to the dish.    This was a great way to appreciate her mom without having to use words.