Cliques: Is it Really a Social Jungle out There?

I picked up the book Cliques:  8 Steps to Help Your Child Survive the Social Jungle.  by Charlen c. Giannetti and Margaret Sagarese.    Granted, I am only on chapter one, but thus far I am a little bit dismayed.  

I think the authors make many good points and I am sure they have great ideas, but here are some of the things they say in the introduction: 

"Every day in every school in every community all across this country children are cut down . . . they wait for that bus in silence without looking each other in the eye.  Why?  Each is steeling himself or herself for the first gauntlet of the day:  walking down the aisle of the school bus.  Boys get tripped.  Girls hear mean-spirited giggling after they pass. . .Then they get to go inside the school.  Let the games begin. . .Oh come on you may be thinking.  Aren't we exaggerating?  Is it that bad?   No.  It's not that bad.  It's worse.  If you think that we are not talking about your child, you are naïve."  

And it goes on and on in this way.  In reading it, middle school does sound like a jungle and surely would terrify any parent out there.  

I am NOT naïve.    I have worked in schools for a long time and happen to be an expert on the topic of relational aggression.    I have seen very painful situations, lots of relational aggression and bullying acts.  I have talked to and helped kids who are afraid to come to school and I have been on the front lines of bullying prevention for many years.   

However, I think we are doing a disservice to our kids if we don't look at the many kind acts that happen EVERY day in EVERY school, in EVERY community.   I think we need to focus on what's going right and what's working.    (As well, we need to be working on prevention and making our school have firm rules etc.).

Here's a few examples of what is going right:

Our mother's helper is a quiet kid, seems to have just a one or two good friends, and is not in the popular group.    She does not get teased and enjoys middle school.    She is bubbling over with enthusiasm when we pick her up at her bus stop.   

My niece and nephew are both part of a high school group where they are paired with developmentally disabled students and do a lot of activities with them.  According to my niece, it is very much looked down upon if you are mean to students with learning disabilities.  

My step-daughters went to a school that spent a lot of time on emotional safety.   From what I observed, there was very little bullying. 

Is it a jungle out there?  I'd love to get your thoughts!