The Best Man: Authentic Friendships and group think

Recently,   I attended a wedding.   During the reception the groom invited his brother and three friends to the podium for a toast.   All the speeches were very heart felt and moving.  One man talked about being there for him when he went through a hard time.  Another friend talked about their childhood adventures and how he had always been there for him throughout the years.    They all said how happy they were for his friend that he had found true love at long last.  

While some of the men used humor, it came from real stories of the life they had shared (not slap-sticky).    I think it's amazing to see men with true friendships that have blossomed  over time.  Men that have shared real feelings together--both joys and pains.  It doesn't matter if that depth arises from poker games, hikes in the wood, or brewing beer--the point is letting their authentic selves shine through as most of can do when we are around friends that allow us to be ourselves.

I write this because I feel like what these best men at the wedding presented to the groom is so different than how many boys (and men) are encouraged to act (by other boys, by the hidden rules of the playground, by our cultural mores).

To me, this is a huge problem and one that I spend much time thinking and writing about.   In my opinion, it is one of the roots of the issue that happened in the Steubenville Rape Trial  http://www.cnn.com/2013/03/17/justice/ohio-steubenville-case.   For those that don't know, two boys were convicted of raping a girl while she was drunk at a party.   Many people knew about it and didn't help her or report it.  In fact, using social media, they were laughing at her and joking around about it.  If you watch the below video of Michael Nodianos and the others laughing in the background, I'd love to hear your opinions.   Is this the authentic selves of all these boys, or are they caught up in the fury of group think?  Do they feel they have to act cool and laugh because that is what is required of them to fit  in, to be a man, to be one of the guys?  Are the people laughing in this video truly evil, or have they lost site of the authentic self?
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/08/michael-nodianos-threats_n_2433799.html

Blame it on poor teenage decision making, lack of information about sexual assault, a town that celebrated the football players, and a million other reasons, but I believe at least part of the problem is stemming from group think which is stemming from lack of ability to relate authentically.

Likewise,  if you ever get a chance, watch this excellent documentary on the prison at Abu Ghraib http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ghosts_of_Abu_Ghraib.   The main theme of the movie is the government cover-up, but what I saw was a bunch of young people (both male and female) caught up in group think.  No one spoke up.  No one questioned this.   Were they evil?    Or was there just no room for them to authentically relate to each other.

Obviously, not being authentic, having to act cool around your friends, and being afraid to speak out do not always lead to heinous acts.   But I point out these terrible results to show that this IS an important topic, one that we should spend lots and lots of time talking, thinking about and taking action.  The boys advocacy movement is one organization doing excellent work in this area!

http://www.bamgroups.com/bam_site/Home.html